I’m totally the black sheep of my family.

My spidy senses tell me…you are too.

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I wasn’t always the black sheep.

In fact, up until about the age of twenty-five…I tried to do everything everyone asked of me…to a degree.

I became a wallflower, the shy one, the reliable one, the ‘good’ one. I wore my good girl mask with pride, even.

The eldest daughter of a pastor, I was used to being looked up to and put on a pedestal without asking to be there.

I’ve always viewed myself as a reluctant leader. In group projects in school, when a leader needed to be named…I couldn’t stand the silence and would just say, “fuck it, I’ll do it.”

Is it easy? Hard? Eh…it is what it is. lol I have too much fire in me to sit back and not take action (though patience is something I am slowly learning to grow in).

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After spending about ten years as an atheist, I had a spiritual experience I simply couldn’t ignore.

I had learned meditation as a way to cope with my anxiety, and made a point to do a simple guided meditation every day. Most days, I would just fall asleep or become relaxed, but I kept at it.

I “randomly” chose a “Meet Your Higher Self” guided meditation, having no fucking clue at the time what that meant. I followed along as I always did, but this time the experience brought me to my knees.

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My higher self appeared to me as a large golden light body. Radiating unconditional love, bringing me to my knees both in the meditation visual and in my body. I cried uncontrollably, having never experienced such intense love. I knew without knowing that this large light body person was me…but had no way to wrap my mind around it. The meditation guide had us merge with our higher self, and I felt my large energy body around me for the next three days.

Another profound thing happened within that experience. Before that short but potent meditation session, I had always felt the real me was too small for my body. At almost six feet tall, I felt the real me only came up to about five feet. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t feel whole within my body, and when I would try to ask others if they had this phenomenon, they had no idea what I was talking about. After that meditation experience, the me inside my body ‘grew’ and I matched my body’s height…I felt whole.

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I’ve lived many lives within this one lifetime, and I think it’s a safe bet I have a handful more to experience.

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My twenties were filled with trauma, and it wasn’t until my early thirties did I finally take control of my life. Depressed and anxious, unable to make it through a day at my job, I sought out a therapist and slowly began reclaiming my life.

In 2020, I decided to embrace a dream of mine and become a digital nomad. I sold all my possessions and ventured off to travel in South America.

 

 

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I didn’t make it far due to the lockdowns, but began instead a life as an expat living in Colombia.

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I lived there for two and a half years before a tower moment hit my life (again), and it was time for me to move on.

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During my time in Bogota, I dove deep into my spiritual practice, connecting with entities and deities and learning directly from them. I had an intuitive understanding that I wasn’t meant to follow any human teacher or seek outside knowledge, but instead go inward and explore.

I am again in the process of moving from one ‘life’ to another. Early in 2025, I had a Christ Consciousness awakening. To me, this means my consciousness is anchored in a higher frequency of love.

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I saw how I was lying to myself (again) and not following my true path. I spent a whole week with energy moving through me...rewiring me…reforming me…barely eating or sleeping. I began walking the beach in Kenai to ground myself and slowly came back to this reality.

 

 

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During that week, I don’t have many memories. Every minute, I was experiencing downloads, understanding at a level I had never experienced before. I saw through the veil and knew I would be changing ‘lives’ again.

The pull to go westward was immense…and even now I have still no idea why west.

I followed it all the same. I separated from my husband and toddler, unsure of when I would see her again.

I spent three months traveling through Australia and then on to the UK. The trip did not hold what I expected; it held so much more.

 

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I became a living paradox. Completely reconstructing myself internally and externally, meeting new people every few weeks. My life became a crash course in energy dynamics, soul geometry, and fire.

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Eventually, I made my way back to the States, reunited with my daughter, and filed for divorce.

Even then, though…my path ahead wasn’t clear to me. I was running out of money, but had a deep understanding that it wasn’t time yet to take action.

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My deep masculine became activated, and I spent a whole week working with that side of myself. The next week, the deep feminine came to me and I knew instantly what I was being asked. I was to die and be reborn.

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And so I did.

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Clarity finally came on what direction to take myself and Astronaut of Life. I realized through the help of a friend that while I was willing to put myself out there…I was still hiding.

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So…Fuck that.

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I claim to be raw, real, messy. I am. But while I live it, I haven’t always written about it. Obviously, that is changing now.

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As an introvert now extrovert, I am at a place in life to not only claim who I am, which is always in flux, but truly share my story.

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My passion for writing is over twenty years old. As I move into my forties, I now walk unashamed of who I am, what I am becoming, and how messily I go about it.

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I’m slowly setting the groundwork now for the life I want to live, simply by living it now. I’m creating space for travel, even while embracing being a single mom now. I still don’t know the ‘how’ or when I will travel again, but I know it’s in my blood and it’s something I must honor in myself.

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I don’t have a long list of credentials.

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What I do have, though, is real-life experience. I have always known I move fast, to my own beat…rhythm…drum.

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I don’t give a flying fuck how ‘intense’ I come across.

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I am on fire. To be near me is to be seen.