Releasing Old Relationships
- Joy Brown
- May 6
- 2 min read
Today I did this meditation which I created four years ago. I couldn’t remember how it went so even though I made it, it felt like doing it again for the first time.
Ironically (or not) it has you picture yourself in a cafe or restaurant, and today I went to my very small towns cafe to work.
The people you are meant to release from your life come in one by one and sit with you.
I had two people who have been in my life show up in this meditation, and what emerged from both was the need for clear boundaries on my end.
I’m realizing that I have a fixer/helper complex. I’ve healed my own issues with anxiety and am now the calm and safe one in people’s lives.
This past year I met so many people, and quite a few of them had avoidant attachments. They would pop in and out, coming back once my confrontation with them had settled. No real change, just them missing my safe, calm energy.
What I also noticed doing this meditation was my own hesitation to truly release these people from my life. Even knowing it was for my best and highest good, I hesitated.
Why is that? I asked myself.
It’s not like I enjoyed how they treated me. I knew I deserved better and want better…but I could also see their pain and struggles. My heart goes out to them.
If only they could see…and maybe I could show them…
Fixer/helper thoughts. Longings.
It’s not the people I actually need to release (Though I am and will)…what lies deeper than that is the energy of wanting to help someone who can only do that work on their own.
Logical me knows this of course…yet the desire is there.
Perhaps it is an outdated view within me of what love is/looks like.
I know I’m a giver. I just adore giving. I have so much overflow and that’s where my giving comes from.
So while that is settled and wonderful…
I still have to be mindful of who I actually pour into….long term.
Everyone deserves love.
Everyone deserves to be poured into.
But if they can’t or won’t receive the love we want/try to give them…
Then we need to stop. To honor them and their capacity and more importantly…ourselves and our overflow.
The deeper I go into myself, learning and understanding…the more complex love becomes for me.
It’s paradoxically both simple and complex.
Love honors.
And sometimes…that does “look” like withholding. Not out of spite or wanting to cause harm…but out of honor and respect.
What are your thoughts on being a fixer/helper/giver? How have you learned to honor and respect yourself and others capacity?
Also…if you do the meditation I’d love to hear how it went for you!
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